Tuesday, June 23, 2009
@ 5:00 PM
Yknw just this mrng, I came back from smiley's place.&idk I felt like my heart was v unsettled, like it was v burdened w sth, but I just couldn't figure out what. And then I read thru my Qt from last night, felt that I needed to pen down sth desperately.
I still didn't know what I wanted to do/what I wanted to say to God/write down, but this was what I managed:
"God idk what I want anymore. Yknw each time I say to surrender ething, every single thing to you, tell you that You're all that I need, but I just keep finding myself being tempted time and again, my heart motives will be wrong etc. Why do I keep falling, it's so exasperating ): why like that ): Like at the end of it, I won't benefit in anything. Instead, I lose out on Your kingdom. I lose out on... Idk just so many stuffs. Fall short fr Your standards even more. How God?? It's so hard to keep my emotions under check. I find it so hard to pick myself up yknwww. My state of mind right now is screwed. Why am I so inconsistent? So easily... stumbled? God help meeee"
It felt painful idk, like I've been gng thru this so many times that it just seemed equivalent to unrepentance.
But God was faithful, He didn't just leave me hanging there like a hangman(?)
This video came to me rly timely(:
I think God rly spoke tons to me thru this video which I just watched. It's a v simple video, but I got much out of it, and I hope it'll stir up sth in yr hearts too [:
We're not screwed up, we're only screwed up if God's not there to take control.
But since God says and has reassured us so many times that He's here,
what else can screw up, rly? Let go and let God, cliche as it sounds. But the gist of it is this:
1% of letting go=letting go. 100% letting go=letting go.
But how much you're letting go=how much you're willing to let God in, to take control= how much you're actually willing to see that particular change in your life.
When we shortchange God, we shortchange ourselves.
Allow God to show you the masterpiece you were made to be [: